Those clocks, like school clocks. So dreary, bleak. I sit in this building with no windows with it's off white walls. The geriatrics in front of me make me seem like a child. I want to be that old some day. Right now would be better. I keep looking at those clocks with their thin, red hands moving along with every second that passes by...these clocks...these damn clocks...I wish they would stop. I want time to stop. I want time to breathe. To stop, to think. To make everthing different. To change all these outcomes. To impede the hand of death from touching me. To staunch these illnesses from grasping at this short meaningless life. Would i atone for every failure? Would I take back every word I ever said? Courage. I've got none.

Evrything has its end. Relationships, friendships, life. My life, thus far, has been...different. I can't really say how, or even why. I fail at everything. I don't try to make anything any better. Every face I put on is fake. Every smile I give out...fake. a cover-up for the immense sadness that fills every cell of my body. my concsience is filled with so much regret, guilt, anger. I can't even stand to look at myself in a mirror. I'm in a deplorable state of mind...my thoughts they race, all the while my feelings constantly change. everything I feel has an ugly negative tinge to it. Every thought in my head is dark and horrendous. I've never met anyone like me, so dead and monotonous. I do so hope that person doesn't exists.

1...2...3.

Listening to Judy Garland. She was great, a real singer, none of this nonsense that flies for music nowdays...Miley Cyrus this Avril Lavinge that.

i made something a little different.

just pasta and veggies.

nothing special.

it looked very pretty i must say.

David took the picture.

A vegetarian diet is very difficult to maintain for someone like me...

I think I'll make pasta primavera today.
Something fresh to liven up these gloomy october days.

Yes.

Blogger should have an iPhone app.

Just sayin'